Re-think

My god!!
i cant't believe i'm doing this again

Once in a while i will start thinking what i want to do or accomplish in my future
but there is never a conclusion for this topic.
Maybe i will come out with one then lull myself to bed
but change my mind when i wake up the other day.

I get affected easily by others' words and then i will ask myself the same question over and over again
''what do i want to do in future?''
this future i mean isn't far actually.
I will be 20 in one month time and i haven really decide 
how the rest of my life gonna be like.

I always thought of going back to my hometown and to be filial daughter 
who can always be at the side of my dear parents.
To work in any institution that I find acceptable,
to earn enough to pay daily expenses and keep a little saving,
to go traveling once in a while,
to open a little bakery or kindergarten when i saved enough,
to grow old and older in my comfort and peaceful hometown,

However,
this little so-called dream 
was quite lifeless and idealistic,
is it?

I am definitely not a confident person.
When there is too many options, 
i get carried away.
Everyone is given one chance to live a life 
and i am not sure i want mine to be like this
i am fear of the opportunity costs that i don't even know
i am afraid of not living my life to the fullest, to explore more
i am afraid of regretting in the future
i feel insecure.

And there comes my dilemma,
which is killing me softly.

I know i will be the only person that can answer to all these stupid confusion
but i just cant pick myself up and put my minds in order.
Thinking too much was a waste of time and brain cells
while doing without much thinking could turn out to be another way of wasting time too
what should I do then?!!

Dear time, 
can you kindly run slower~(>.<)